Cloud Cover
by Annalori
Summary: Bella spends time with Emily in La Push. She gets female advice and does not cliff dive. She comes to believe Vampires have souls. She begins a journey to find Edward and his family.
1. Chapter 1

1. Flightless Bird (no beta yet!)

BPOV

Spring break was ending soon. Today was the day I had been waiting for, I could finally take a flying leap off a cliff! My true objective, of course, was to "hear" Edward's voice. My truck couldn't get me to La Push fast enough. I'm sure my antiquated speed made it easier, for whichever pack member guarding me today, to keep pace. I didn't have to work at Newton's today, so Jacob expected me early. If he was in wolf form, he would certainly know my exact current location and arrival time.

Yup, he was already standing in my usual parking spot and, didn't look too enthused. I guessed our plans for today had changed. Or at least, _his_ plans had- I was still pretty hell bent on my "swan" dive and hallucination fix. Jacob was wearing his pack "uniform", which consisted of cut off sweatpants, a leather cord around his ankle and nothing else. If I was a normal girl, the sight of Jacob in his "uniform" would give me butterflies in my stomach. As it was, I could only register the frown on his face and the wrinkles on his forehead telling me he was deep in thought. I waited for him to spit it out.

"Sam wants everyone running the perimeter today. Seems Jared caught a fresh whiff of the red headed leech this morning, pretty far north, but Sam's not taking any chances. "Jacob's frown deepened. "I asked Emily if you can hang out with her today. I know you're not real comfortable around her, but it's better than being alone all day."

"Jake, I don't mind being alone. I could just crash on your couch and watch some reruns of Buffy or something." I smiled at my own joke. If only vampires were so predictable and easy to, well, _hate_-except Angel, the one vampire with a soul. I couldn't let mind wander down that road, no sir-especially if my hallucination was on hold.

"OK, here's the deal. I know you. You'll get bored, walk the beach, see the cliff, and the next thing I know I'll be driving you to the emergency room, AGAIN. Really, Bella, I've already got a bag packed with band-aids and gauze. I figured you'd either jump too close, or hit a stray gull flying by on the way down and not only knock yourself out, but also take out an innocent animal." Hmm, Jacob actually had a point, much to my chagrin. My name might be Swan, but I'm definitely a flightless bird. But that didn't mean I needed to spend the day with Emily, the den mother supreme.

Jacob knew he'd gotten through to me. He walked over and gently touched the scar from my first motor cycle lesson to really press his point. The stitches had been removed during the time Jacob had "mono", and the scar was small and close enough to my hairline that I had pretty much forgotten about it. "Emily is expecting you; I think she wants to have a "girl" day with you. I promise she won't make you do anything you don't want to do." I knew this was about my safety and the safety of his family and friends. Having Emily and me together certainly would make Sam and Jacob feel better when they were patrolling. I wondered how many wolves would be guarding us- at least I'd be able to contact Jacob quickly if I did decide to leave.

"OK, I'll go to Emily's; I'll try not to be too depressing too." I was already feeling dejected. This would only drag me deeper into a relationship with the pack and make it look more like I was Jacob's girlfriend. Not what I needed. Being around a woman ecstatically in love, also not on my list of things I wanted to do today. But I would be safe and I'd have some time to think about how to deal with Jacob and his obviously growing feelings for me.

It only took four minutes to drive to Emily's place. Her home was small but tidy with colorful native artwork and cheerful flowering potted plants. It kind of reminded me of my mom's attempt, years ago, to make Charlie's house cheery despite all the cloud cover and rain in Forks. Emily was in the yard to the left side of the front porch, apparently planting a garden. OK, I could help with this. I might actually be able to do _one_ useful thing at La Push this week. That would make me feel a little better. All week I'd felt like a spectral lurker haunting Billy's house and First Beach. Emily stood up to greet me.

"Hi Bella, I asked Jacob if I could have you over today. I'm getting my garden ready- It's mainly an herb garden, but I'll plant a few vegetables, I love fresh tomatoes in the summer. Right now it just needs some major weeding." Emily seemed like she really didn't mind me being here. She handed me some gardening gloves and a small spade and I got started making myself useful.

A few hours later, her handkerchief sized garden looked ready for planting. "Thanks so much Bella, that saved me a lot of time and back pain! I'm sure you'll be feeling it tomorrow though, you might want to take a Tylenol when you get home." Emily's facial scar only gave her half a smile, but I was glad I earned it. Normally I didn't know how she could tolerate, let alone like me, since she knew _I _was Victoria's target, _I_ was the reason for all the danger around her and _I_ was the reason her fiancé couldn't spend much time with her right now.

We went inside for lunch. Emily had some butternut squash soup she warmed up for us. Wow, it tasted wonderful. I wondered if I could persuade Charlie to eat it. I guessed if I served it with a turkey sandwich he might. Emily gave me the recipe when I asked. We heard a car pull up, a car door open and close, then the car pulled away. A moment later, Kim-another pack girlfriend, was at the front door. She had a school satchel with her. Kim was trying to both catch up on her school work she had been neglecting since Jared became such a big part of her life, and trying to keep Jared caught up as well. School wasn't priority number one with the new pack members. Jared might be the only one of them who actually finished school on time this year, thanks to Kim. Emily quietly started listing items for her next grocery trip. She tended to feed massive amounts of food to the pack and was always looking for recipes with inexpensive ingredients that could be made in bulk. I enjoyed a comfortable silence while Kim booted up Emily's computer (Kim didn't have internet at home) and Emily paged through some borrowed cook books.

After thirty minutes another car pulled up and this one turned off. Leah Clearwater arrived at the front door. She was a very pretty girl. Jacob had told me about how she used to be Sam's girlfriend, before he became a werewolf, and that he had to break up with her when he imprinted on Emily-who also happened to be Leah's cousin. Ouch. Jacob also said Leah had agreed to be a bridesmaid in Emily's wedding, so I guessed they made up. And oh yeah, Leah knew nothing about the supernatural world in which we lived. Leah looked surprised and a little pissed when she noticed Kim and me. Emily seemed equally surprised by her visit too. "Hi Em, I didn't know you were having a party," Leah said sarcastically. "I would've called first."

"No, its fine, come in." I could tell Emily was struggling to come up with an explanation as to why the two of us would be at her house. Kim and I didn't know each other, and we were both several years younger than Emily. An awkward silence began. Kim broke it. "Emily is helping me catch up on some homework. I don't have internet at home and Jared asked Emily if I could borrow hers sometimes." Plausible, OK, now, why would _I _be here? I guess it didn't matter because Leah unloaded on us anyway.

"I want to know what's going on. Nobody tells me anything. I'm going crazy. I really don't understand how my dad can treat Sam like he's just been signed by the Seahawks. Especially after the way he dumped me! How can you even like him? It's all so much bull shit! Something really weird is going on. _PLEASE_, I need answers," Leah begged.

"Leah, we've been through this. Sam and I never wanted to hurt you. I told him _off _and _told_ him to stay away from me. But, he was there for me after the…attack. And I fell in love with him." Emily looked both sad and irritated.

"Yeah, we've been through this, but it's not just that, why is he now BFFs with Jared and Paul? Why are Jacob Black and Embry hanging out with him? Why do they look like some kind of gang? And why don't the elders care? Hell, why don't they wear shirts? My dad acts like they all walk on water! My mom just looks at me with big sad eyes and won't tell me anything either." Leah turned her heated gaze on Kim. "Do you know what's going on? You and Jared didn't even hang out and now he follows you around like a dog with his nose stuck up your-"

"LEAH!" Aghast, Emily put her hand on Leah's arm as if to stop her from physically attacking Kim as well. Kim gave her a "deer in the headlights" look and turned pale. "I ..I.. I'm sorry, I really can't help you Leah. It's private." Those words didn't go over well AT ALL with Leah. Her head whipped around to me. "And you! _Bella Swan_. You're not even a member of the tribe. Do YOU know what's going on?" I guessed she could tell by the red embarrassment creeping up my face that, yes, I did in fact, know something. She was really pissed now. And ironically I knew exactly how she felt.

I had been left behind too. A mere mortal left behind while my supernatural boyfriend moved on. Was it better that I didn't know how he distracted himself? Or would it be better if I knew he had found an "Emily" who loved him? One thing I knew. I had to get out of here. My ears were starting to ring. Thinking about HIM, Edward, with someone else was making the hole in my heart even bigger, my vision started to swim. Leah was one step ahead of me. She bolted out the door, slammed it shut, her wheels squealed as she took off.

I stood; ready to make my escape as well. Emily met me at the door and suggested we go for a walk. Kim told Emily she was almost finished, her mother was supposed to be back in 30 minutes to get her, so she would be gone before we returned. I reluctantly walked out the door with Emily.

Emily linked her arm in mine, probably so I wouldn't take off on her. My nervous energy led the way. "Jacob loves you, you know," she started. "He's driving the whole pack crazy with his worry about you." What could I say?

"I never meant for any of this to happen. I hate having people put at risk because of me. I hate being scared all the time. I HATE hurting Jacob." Then, the biggie. "He's my best friend, but I don't love Jacob, not in the _right _way, I can't." I looked down at my shoes, unwilling to see the censure on her face.

"Bella, none of this is your fault. No one thinks it's your fault. I mean, _they are vampires_! Real, blood sucking, monstrous VAMPIRES!" I'd never heard Emily yell before today, let alone explode like this. "How could you _love_ one of them? How can you _still_ love one of them? He left you all alone. Sam told me how he found you. How can you push Jacob away and still love one of _them_?"

"How can you love Sam, after what he did to you?" I asked. "How can you love someone who explodes into a giant wolf, he _maimed_ you _and_ broke your cousin's heart."

"Yeah, he did all of that, _all_ of it. I tried to push him away, but he wouldn't go." Emily's face contorted and her scar puckered into a deeper frown. "I accused him of being a cheater, like his father-that's what angered him so much he phased too close and hurt me. It was my fault. He asked me …to tell him to… _kill_ himself. His imprinting, it won't even allow him to hurt himself unless _I_ will it."

Emily's story hit too close to home. Something about this story was making my brain itch; there was something in my sub conscience that wanted to be remembered. Emily stopped. I looked around, realizing we had made it to the cliff after all. Had my sub conscience led us here? Even with all the cloud cover and wind, the view was breath-taking. I exhaled all the air from my lungs and crumpled to the ground pulling Emily with me. "Bella, did I upset you? Did my story upset you? I know Jacob has worried about you, that you might hurt yourself. Oh, I'm so sorry –I… please don't hurt yourself! Of course I couldn't tell Sam to…. I realized then, that I had fallen in love with him. It was a painful lesson for both of us. Sometimes love is messy and hard, but it's worth it in the end."

Abruptly I stood up. I stretched on my tippy toes and hopped around a little to try and get this "love" crap out of my brain. Oh Man, how I wanted the release, I wanted to plunge into the churning water below. But Emily had just worried about my mental state, so I knew that would be a very stupid thing to do.

Then we heard a howling in the distance. More followed from different directions. I looked all around and out to sea where I noticed something strange, an orange burning flame distantly in the water. I didn't have much time to contemplate this phenomenon. I heard running footsteps approaching us from the forest. Jake and Sam appeared behind us.

Sam went to Emily and started whispering in her ear just as Jacob started speaking to me.

"We followed your scent. We were chasing the red head to the water and lost her. I worried you would decide to come up here today- I'm glad Emily stopped you." I was about to correct his assumption when he continued. "If you had jumped, and _she_ got to you, I might have been too late." Jacob looked at me with a fiercely protective scowl, then grabbed me and kissed me. It was a frantic kiss, an "I'm so glad you're alive" kind of kiss. I took a step back and pushed gently out of his hold.

"We've got to get Emily and Bella back Jacob, then we have to go to the hospital," Sam ordered. I looked at Emily who was freely crying. "Harry Clearwater had a heart attack," she quietly sobbed, her voice hitching.

Harry Clearwater, one of my dad's oldest friends, Emily's uncle, Leah-who was so angry today-Leah's father, was dying. I glanced back to the water and the mystery flame had disappeared. My brain was working enough for me to realize Victoria had been very close indeed. I wanted to be as far from this cliff as possible. We hurried back to Emily's house. Sam took Emily with him, to the hospital. I needed to find my dad, to console him. Jacob drove me home in my truck.

The ride home was uncomfortable. My brain was overloaded. "I know what you're thinking about," Jacob announced. "I'm not sorry I kissed you, I just wish I had done it sooner, you know, more romantically. " UGG. I had actually _not _been thinking about that at all. THAT, I had pushed to the very back of my mind to deal with later, but I guessed Jacob was obsessing about it. "Jacob, you know what they say about people who assume." I tugged my lips into a small smile. "I'm actually thinking about Charlie right now, and Harry." That stalled him. Sometimes I thought Jacob knew me better than I knew myself, but today I realized he was still a teenage boy. A teenage boy with loads of responsibilities and supernatural crap to deal with, but a teenager all the same.

When we got to my house, Jacob phased and did a brief perimeter search. He decided to stay in wolf form since Sam and a few other pack members were at the hospital. I called FPD first and was told Charlie went to the hospital. I called the hospital and got Charlie on the phone. Harry was not likely to survive. My Dad was planning to stay as long as he was needed. I decided to make him some supper to take to the hospital. I had enough ingredients for a double batch of Grandma Swan's Stroganoff. One batch I put in the freezer to take to the Clearwater's later. I wrapped up two servings of stroganoff and two bottles of water and went out the back door. I called for Jake and he appeared within 2 minutes. I explained that I was taking Charlie dinner and would be back soon. He nodded and ran back into the forest.

The lobby at the hospital was packed. Charlie was as happy to see me as he could be, under the circumstances. We took the food to a picnic table in the outside smoking area. Charlie ate half heartedly, though I know this recipe was a favorite of his. We didn't speak. He reached out his hand to me, squeezed my hand, and told me to go home and get some rest. He'd call me with any news.

A short while after I finished cleaning up my baking dishes, I got the phone call. Harry had died. Charlie was going to head home and tomorrow would go with Sue to the funeral home to make arrangements for a funeral.

For the first time in a week I was alone in my house. I e-mailed my mom to tell her about Harry, I figured she'd want to know. I looked through Charlie's closet and found a suit that might still fit and wasn't too dated. I also ironed a shirt and chose one of his four ties to go along with the outfit. I also made sure I had appropriate funeral attire cleaned and pressed. I wasn't sure if Charlie would want me to go, or if Leah would be upset to see me again, but I wanted to be prepared just in case.

I was both mentally and physically exhausted. I took a Tylenol PM, since Emily had recommended it, and to help me sleep. My dreams were new. My first dream was of the pack. Sam and Jared were standing next to Emily and Kim, but they seemed older, Embry and Quil with women I had never seen, and Jacob with a beautiful woman who seemed very familiar, but I didn't know her. They all seemed happy, complete. Next I dreamed of Leah Clearwater. She was a wild terrifying mess with a huge wolf cowering at her feet. I dreamed of Sam, kneeling beside a bandaged and bruised Emily asking her to let him die. This changed into Edward on my couch on my birthday. He was telling me of his "contingency plan". _Well, I wasn't going to live without you. _Then I dreamed of orange flames on the water. Then I awoke screaming.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 (CrimsonIceGoddess)

Inertia

_Edward_

When I first arrived in Rio, my compulsion to return to Bella hadn't been as strong. My need to destroy Victoria was fresher. I was able to focus on that goal. On sunny days I sat in my rental home located just outside of the Tijuca National Park. The neighborhood was nice enough that my recently leased, deeply tinted window, Mercedes did not stand out. Every day, I spent my mornings listening. I listened for tales of a pale, red headed woman. I listened for stories of mysterious murders or disappearances. I listened for others of my kind in the area. On cloud covered days I drove around with my windows down, listening and trying to discern Victoria's scent. It had been over two months since I picked up her trail. She had eluded me that day just as she had in Texas, months earlier. I had not caught her scent since.

Evenings I reserved for running in the forest. I told myself that I was still searching for Victoria, but I was really running to distract myself from thinking about Bella. Old habits were hard to break. My life took a turn the night I happened upon a peaceful meadow. I decided to lie back, relax and actually enjoy some memories, since they were all I had left of my Bella. But when I looked at the stars, my vision was clouded- not with the old vision of Bella- her deep chocolate eyes looking at me perplexed, but with my last true memory of Bella- her eyes full of despair and heartbreak. I had betrayed her. But, how could she have _believed_ me? It had been so easy, the easiest part of my departure from Forks. It had taken me days to prepare my family to move, to convince them it was for the best, to find the ideal location to resettle. It had only taken minutes to unravel the hold I had on Bella. I had left her in the woods, so close to her home. She would mend. She would remain human, and she would live. And one day, she would be happy again. Her hold on me, however, could never unravel. I was, am completely bound to her.

The next morning, upon returning to the rental house, I realized I had not checked my phone messages in awhile. My family knew I wouldn't answer, but were loyal with weekly messages of love and requests for me to return to them. That day my battery was uncharged and I had to plug it in. After examining the phone to confirm I had no text messages from Alice-the only reason I really kept the phone- I resumed my state of inertia. My outings became fewer, my depression grew.

My relationship with Alice was strained. She was very angry with me for leaving Bella. The night of Bella's birthday, she had followed Jasper. As much as she loved Bella, Jasper was her main concern. It was easy to convince her to take him to Denali. She was so caught up in Jasper's future that she couldn't see what I was planning, resolving. After leaving Bella, I headed for Denali and extracted her promise not to interfere in Bella's future. THAT argument went as I expected. It took hours _and_ influence from Jasper to convince her. She saw it as a defection. Even without looking, she knew what her removal from Bella's life would do to Bella. But I could see in her mind that she still held hope, still believed my willpower was not strong enough to keep me from Bella forever. So she decided to wait and she made her promise to me. She only text messaged me when she thought I needed to know something important, either about the family, or about my mission to destroy Victoria.

In Denali, I had learned that Laurent was spending time there, though he was not present during my visit. He had confided in the sisters that Victoria went to Phoenix, to mourn James's death. After that, he wasn't sure. Alice _saw _Victoria headed toward Houston. I had been depending on these infrequent texts from Alice. With my tracking abilities limited to following someone's mind or very recent scent, I would've been blind in my search without Alice. The last text I had had from Alice simply stated _Brazil, Rio de Janeiro_. And that had been months ago.

My life in Rio de Janeiro had become unbearable. I was on a downward spiral. I lay down upon the floor of my sparsely furnished rental house reliving every moment I had spent with Bella. Not only my personal memories, but every memory of Bella I had seen through the eyes of others, consumed me. My mind had chosen to slowly fill every spacious compartment with _her_ since the day I left. As I lay, I clenched her shirt, the blood stained reminder she had shed before leaving my house on her birthday. I had hidden it from the others, not wanting to alert them to my depravity. The shirt served as a reminder of why I needed to set her free, but selfishly, it also held the scent of her, and her most precious blood. Eating, breathing, tracking- they had all ceased to matter to me. Like a captain going down with his ship, I tied myself to this existence rather than let myself try to survive. For survival, I would have to follow my instincts, and currently, my only instinct was to run northwest as fast as possible and beg her forgiveness, beg her to take me back.

The _only_ thing that could rouse me from my current tormentwas the unmistakable chime of a text message from Alice. _I see Victoria, CALL ME! _This was a new development. Alice had never asked me to call her. Honestly, I was a little worried. I checked my other voice mail messages first, all were from Esme. I had several weeks' worth of messages- just how long _had_ I ignored my phone? The house in Ithaca was coming along nicely; Carlisle and Jasper were doing well; Rosalie and Emmet had returned from another honeymoon; Alice was researching her family background; everyone was in Denali for Spring Break but heading back to Ithaca soon, etc… Nothing alarming. I dialed Alice.

"Edward, thank God," she said. "I saw Victoria, she wasn't in Brazil. Edward, I'm… having trouble seeing her. I really think you need to come to Ithaca. I think we need to discuss this as a family. You've been gone too long and it hasn't done _any_ of us, especially _you_, any good. I don't see you accomplishing anything staying there, Edward. I CAN _see_ you and you look like Hell. _I_ need you too. I'm having some trouble. Laurent has gone missing. Irina asked me to look for him, and I can't see him either. I'm getting kind of freaked out. Maybe he's dead. I don't know, Edward, we just need you, at least for a visit. Esme is devastated. Please, please, please!"

"Alice." I let her name hang there for a moment, a plea, for what, I do not know. "I only see two paths for you right now, Edward. You either come to Ithaca, or you go to Forks. And if you go to Forks, I want you to know, I'll be meeting you there. I miss her too. So much."

By evening the next day, I was presentable. I had fed, had my first shower in quite a while, and was wearing clean clothes. All my loose ends in Rio had been tied. Alice had reminded me of my purpose and I was going to enlist the aid of my family in finding Victoria. The Prodigal Son was returning, _again_.

Esme and Carlisle met me at the airport. After the constricting embraces, Esme held my hand with both of hers, as if I were going to bolt at any moment. Esme wasn't able to give me too much information. She and Carlisle did tell me that Irina and Laurent had bonded. Apparently, Laurent was prone to disappearing for weeks at a time and was having trouble adhering to the "vegetarian" lifestyle expected in Denali. He had been missing for several weeks without contacting Irina and Alice had been unable to see his future. As for Victoria, Alice hadn't shared much information. Neither Carlisle nor Esme supported my plans for revenge. Carlisle tried to talk me into enrolling at Cornell with Jasper. In his mind, I could see that he thought Jasper would keep me calm, help me regain some composure. As if I hadn't given them _enough_ to worry about in the past nine decades, I was actually more unstable _now_ than I had _ever_ been. I hated for them to see me like this. I had never hated what I had become more than at that moment. Carlisle was suffering too, blaming himself for turning me, for encouraging my love for Bella, for the way we left Forks, for letting me leave alone. I could tell from his mindset that I wouldn't get very far again without a babysitter.

When we returned to the house- a classic Craftsman home built before I was born- Esme lit up like a Christmas tree. It was located in the Cornell Heights historic district and had once been used for student housing. This was exactly what she needed to keep her mind occupied-one of the reasons I bought it years ago and encouraged the move here last Fall. It was rumored that the house was haunted. Well, with 6-now 7- vampires in residence, it surely was now. Carlisle drove around to the back of the house where Alice was waiting for me, sitting on a tree swing. I _had_ missed that little pixie. Esme let up on my hand so I could jump out of the car and grab Alice in a big bear hug. She immediately started telling me and showing me her thoughts. Victoria was in the water, an ocean. The weather was stormy and gray. Then she saw Victoria in a snowy forest, not unlike Denali. Perhaps she was looking for Laurent. Maybe Carlisle was right. If Alice hadn't seen Victoria planning to hurt Bella or return to Forks, then maybe my vengeance _was _misguided. When Alice looked into my own future, it was chaotic. Apparently, I was at yet _another _crossroad. No matter which future she saw, however briefly, I was with one of my brothers or sisters. They were not planning to let me leave alone again. The vision I both desired and dreaded, the vision of myself in Forks, did not have Bella in it. What could _that _mean?

I spent several days setting up my room and getting acquainted with the area. After a week, Alice came to me and announced that my package had arrived at the post office. She looked at me curiously. I could see that she knew what was in it, the item I had been hiding from my family-Bella's shirt. "No judging," I pleaded. Then she smiled and asked to take me to pick it up. She knew of a perfect hiding spot for my treasure. All she asked was to have access to it too. This would be our little demented keepsake of the girl we both loved. We told the others we were going hunting. Alice knew of a geo cache site in the forest that our family tended to veer away from, so as not to harm any human pursuing their hobby. The geo cache was located in a hollow space in an old oak tree. Alice and I climbed up and found another hollow and used a box, similar to the one further down the tree, to hide our own treasure. After we had both had our fill of Bella's scent, Alice begged me to let her peek at Bella's future. She caught me at a weak moment and I consented. What she saw staggered us both, for she saw _nothing_.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 (CrimsonIceGoddess)

Soul Searching

_Bella_

My mind was whirling. It was still dark outside. My clock read 5:14. I wanted to stay in bed and think about my dreams, especially that last one, but I realized I had school today. Spring Break was officially over. Despite the fact that one of my father's best friends had just died, I had an essay on "overpopulation" due. While my dad was at a funeral home with Sue Clearwater picking out a casket and grave marker, I would be at an assembly picking out graduation stationary.

Charlie still slept. I quietly took my shower, dressed and went downstairs. I made a big breakfast since I didn't know when he'd get another opportunity to eat. "That smells great Bells; did you start some coffee yet?" I hadn't lived in Washington long enough to embrace the whole coffee culture, but I did buy Charlie's coffee at a specialty shop, whole bean. I had learned that Charlie liked dark roasted coffee, freshly ground, the blacker, the better. Now if he'd just get a decent coffee maker. I had 2 cups already brewing-both for him. I stuck with orange juice. "Dad, do you want me to, you know, skip school today and stay with you? I could run by the school and turn in my essay and leave early, it wouldn't be a big deal." I was hoping he'd say no. I hadn't been in a funeral home or to a funeral since I was twelve. "No, kid, you need to go to school. It shouldn't take too long. I plan on going in to work for a few hours today anyway. I think the funeral will be tomorrow though. Sue wants it at dusk, with the sun setting. I think Billy's daughter Rachel will be coming for the funeral. You haven't seen her since you were both little girls." "Ah, well, I have some clothes picked out for both of us. I'll call Mrs. Newton and get my shift changed for tomorrow too." Charlie nodded to me, and then went upstairs to get showered and dressed. I washed up our dishes and went out to my truck. Jake was outside, waiting for me.

"Hey, Bella. I was just finishing up my shift and wanted to see you before you left. " Jake looked awful. I doubted he had slept in days. "Jake, you look like awful. I wish you had come in, I would've made you breakfast." I was thinking about going back in to get him a Pop Tart. Then it hit me, my dream. "Jake, I saw her, I saw Victoria." I could see him panic and start to twitch. "_Calm down_, it was yesterday, by the cliff. I was looking at the ocean before you and Sam showed up. I thought I saw a fire on the water or _something_ weird. Now I realize it was her hair. She was _that close_." He grabbed me into a big bear hug. "She won't get you, I SWEAR we won't let her get you." Did he just kiss my hair? He started rubbing my back. "Um, Jake, I do need to get to school now. I'll be OK." I extricated myself from his embrace and quickly got in my truck and rolled down my window. "I'll see you later," I told him then backed out of the driveway. I was actually going to be _late _for school now.

The atmosphere at school had cranked up a notch. Graduation was officially right around the corner. I didn't order any stationary; Renee and Charlie didn't have siblings or keep up with distant relatives. I did order my cap and gown. The class rankings were apparently out. Eric Yorkie was going to be Valedictorian. Due to my meticulous studying these past few months, I was in the top 10. I might have even been in the top 5 except for my cumulative "C 's" in gym. At lunch I spoke with Mike about switching my shift to go to Harry's funeral. He agreed to work for me. I had to work Saturday morning to make it up. I had already volunteered to work Friday- prom night. I didn't really want to be home with Charlie. He'd just drone on and on about why I wasn't at the prom. He'd been hinting for weeks that I should invite Jake to go as my date.

I listened to my friends and all their plans while I ate a slice of cheese pizza. College acceptances were the big topic, since prom plans had been in place for a month now. "What are your plans for next year, Bella?" Angela asked seriously. "Well, I haven't actually applied anywhere." My statement was met with silence. All eyes turned toward me. "What? Are you crazy? You're just going to blow your future because you got depressed or something?" Jessica had never been very subtle. "That's pretty much it, in a nutshell. I'm _teasing_ you Jess. My dad has been bugging me to make plans for a few months, I've just been distracted." How could I explain that after my vampire boyfriend left me high and dry, my best friend then happened to transform into a giant werewolf, oh, and a sadistic vampire was out to get me too. Yeah, kind of distracting. "Maybe I'll enroll for a semester at Peninsula College and transfer out later. Or, maybe I'll go to the Police Academy and follow in Charlie's footsteps!" I meant that last statement as a joke. Mike looked a little shaken. "Ah, no offence Bella, but with your coordination, you really should never handle a gun," he said. Everyone had a good chuckle at his comment. He did have a point. At least he didn't offer to go with me and be my _partner_. He _had_ saved my bacon in gym for one and a half years, after all. Mike invited me to go to an after prom party and bonfire at La Push after I got off work. I told him I'd think about it, but reminded him that I did have plans now to work Saturday morning, so it was unlikely. The rest of my school day followed the usual pattern. Everyone had "senioritis". It was actually a nice diversion from all the stress of the past weeks.

After school I worked my shift at Newton's and made sure Mrs. Newton knew of the change of schedule. Monday afternoons were traditionally very slow. Most campers bought supplies right before the weekend or seasonally, when things were on sale. I mainly helped replace some colder weather coats and sleeping bags with lighter weight jackets and back packing supplies. My mind had an opportunity to wander while I performed this duty. What _would_ I do after graduation? Victoria would probably follow me wherever I went. Peninsula College seemed like my only choice. At least I could afford it. Usually, after making a big decision, I felt at peace. But I didn't feel good about this. The thought of living with Charlie and being terrorized by Victoria indefinitely was disheartening. Yet, the thought of leaving Forks, leaving all my memories of _him_ behind, was also unbearable. OK, I had to stop thinking about _him_. Thinking about Jacob was easier than that, and Jacob would have to be dealt with pretty soon. I put the last LED lantern on the shelf then called it a day and headed home.

Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway when I got home. He was in the living room watching TV and eating leftover stroganoff. "Hi Dad, how did your day go?" I asked as I headed for the kitchen. He followed me in with his dirty plate. I decided to go for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. "Well, we got all the arrangements made. The funeral home has a payment plan, but I think some of their friends and family are trying to raise some money to pitch in. I didn't realize how much something like that cost, if you're not prepared. When my parents died they had already purchased their cemetery plots and had a plan in place. I hardly had to do anything. I think they had even written their own obituaries. You were just four; I didn't have your mom bring you up for either funeral. They died six months apart." Wow, I remembered Renee talking about this when_ her _mother died. I was twelve then. She said my grandparents were very close and it didn't surprise her that one couldn't outlive the other for very long. I wasn't sure how to talk to my dad about things like this. I was _so_ out of my comfort zone. "Dad, I'm so sorry you didn't have anyone with you to help you through that. I'm glad Sue and Leah and Seth have so many people who love them and can help them through this. When Grammy died, it was really hard for Mom. We had lived with her for so long and had only recently moved to Phoenix. Mom felt so guilty. Then she kind of flaked out. That's when I started doing most of the bill paying and grocery shopping." Charlie seemed to be having just as much trouble with this discussion as me. He gave me an awkward half hug. "Your mom was so lucky to have you there, kiddo. And, um, I'm lucky to have you here with me now too." Thankfully, before we got too mushy, the phone rang. Charlie answered- it sounded like he was talking to Billy. I finished up the dishes and headed toward the stairs. "Bells, come back for a minute. That was Billy. I'm going to pick him and Rachel up tomorrow to take to the funeral. Jake's going to come by here and get you around five o'clock. I'll take the cruiser and probably lead the procession from the church to the cemetery too." "OK, Dad. Goodnight."

In my room I decided to e-mail Renee. My conversation earlier made me miss her. I had an e-mail from her, in response to my earlier message about Harry.

_Bella, I'm sorry to hear about Harry. I know your dad has been friends with him since they were children. Charlie basically grew up on that reservation. Sue was really nice to me when I married Charlie. She was a nurse and had just had Leah, when I found out I was pregnant with you. I appreciated all her advice and called her several times a week. E-mail me her address so I can send a card. On a lighter note, please be looking in your mail for a package from me! I'm sending you some information on some colleges in and around Jacksonville. Charlie said you haven't made any firm decisions about next year and I thought maybe you'd like to see the sun for a change! You could certainly stay with us and save money on living expenses too. Please think about it and let me know when you get the package! Love you, Mom_

I decided not to bother Charlie and instead just looked up the Clearwater address online. Mom could've done that too I guess, but it probably never crossed her mind. I sent her a quick e-mail with the address and told her that I hadn't made a decision about college but was thinking about Peninsula College. I cringed at the idea of Victoria following me to Jacksonville. As depressing as my life in Forks had become, I was still grateful that Victoria hadn't used my mom to try to get to me. The ruse had worked so well for James that I thought it was a real possibility. For that reason, I hadn't updated my mom's information at school or anywhere else after she moved to Jacksonville. I finished my homework, took a shower, and went to sleep.

That night I dreamt I was at a funeral. As I approached the casket, I was surprised to see Billy Black resting on the satin lining instead of Harry Clearwater. He was old. His hair was steel y gray. More lines had been added to his face. When I turned around, I saw that most of the Pack was behind me. This dream was similar to before. A much older Emily and Kim were with Sam and Jared. Strangely, both men still looked young. Jacob was there with the same beautiful young woman. Quil and Embry were there with women I didn't recognize. There were other men too, other pack members I didn't know, hadn't met. Some of them were alone, some with women. Paul was in this dream with a very stricken looking older woman. She was holding hands with both Paul and Jacob. Leah Clearwater was also there. She looked only slightly older than she did now. She was not angry, but sad. She approached me and put her hand on my shoulder. She turned me back to the casket. Only, this time instead of Billy, the body inside was _Edward_.

I awoke in a cold sweat. My alarm was just about to go off. I decided another shower was in order. I felt so cold; I needed to warm myself up. Of course, with the funeral tonight, my dream shouldn't have come as a surprise. I dressed quickly and toasted a bagel for my breakfast. Charlie's cruiser was gone and there was no sign of Jacob. I hoped he was catching up on his sleep. I arrived at school a half hour early. I decided to go by the guidance office and see if they had any college brochures for Peninsula College. The councilor wasn't in her office yet, but had an entire rack of college brochures, mostly for in-state colleges, but some others as well. One brochure caught my attention. "Summer Enrichment: Back Packing through Europe." I decided to grab that one as well. I perused it on my way to first period. It had a lot of information about traveling through Europe on a budget, what to pack, and where to stay-mainly hostiles with bunk beds and public bathrooms. Angela noticed my brochures and gave me a shy smile. "I'm sure you could get into Washington State. You'd probably get wait listed, but with your grades, I'm sure you'd get in by spring semester if not before." I was grateful for her belief in me. I pulled out brochures again at lunch and all my friends weighed in on the pros and cons of each one. I kept the backpacking brochure tucked away though. I decided to ask Mr. Banner and Mr. Berty if they could write recommendations for me and they seemed happy to oblige. I guess they were swamped in the fall with requests but had plenty of time now.

When I arrived home, Charlie was dressed in his outdated suit and tie I had chosen for him. He looked uncomfortable. I made him a quick sandwich and he left to pick up Billy and Rachel. I put on a pair of dressy black pants and a button down purple blouse. I pulled my hair back from my face with a barrette. I put on my uncomfortable black pumps. I think I had only worn them once before, so they had never been broken in. I had a snack while I waited for Jacob. He was five minutes early. I went upstairs to grab my only handbag-I rarely used it so it still looked pretty new. When I turned around, Jacob was standing in my room. He was wearing a new suit jacket with a white button down shirt, black tie and older black pants, a slightly frayed at the hem. His shoes also looked new, but not pricey. I briefly wondered how far he had to go to find a jacket in his size. He looked me over too, but in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. I shook my head. "We don't have time for this Jake. Charlie's waiting and I would drive myself, but I don't even know which church." He took a step back and let me lead him out to his car. We didn't speak the entire trip to St. Anne's Catholic Church. I located Charlie sitting near the back looking uncomfortable. I joined him. Jacob retreated out of the sanctuary. I looked ahead, someone had set the wheelchair aside and Billy was in the row behind Sue, Leah and Seth. "Glad you made it. I was getting a little worried," Charlie said. I just gave him a small smile and grabbed his hand. I needed something real to hold on to. He squeezed my hand but didn't let go until the processional music started. Sam, Jacob, Quil and another boy, Brady Fuller (according to Charlie's program) were the pallbearers. They carried the casket to the front of the church following the priest.

The first reading was from the book of Wisdom 3:1-9.

_The souls of the virtuous are in the hands of God,_

_no torment shall ever touch them._

_In the eyes of the unwise, they did appear to die,_

_their going looked like a disaster,_

_their leaving us, like annihilation;_

_but they are in peace._

_If they experienced punishment as men see it,_

_their hope was rich with immortality;_

_slight was their affliction, great will their blessings be._

_God has put them to the test_

_and proved them worthy to be with him;_

_he has tested them like gold in a furnace,_

_and accepted them as a holocaust._

_When the time comes for his visitation they will shine out;_

_as sparks run through the stubble, so will they._

_They shall judge nations, rule over peoples,_

_and the Lord will be their king forever._

_They who trust in him will understand the truth,_

_those who are faithful will live with him in love;_

_for grace and mercy await those he has chosen_.

The second reading was from the letter of Paul to the Thessalonians 4:13–18.

_We want you to be quite certain, brothers, about those who have died, to_

_make sure that you do not grieve about them, like the other people who_

_have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again, and that it will_

_be the same for those __who__ have died in Jesus: God will bring them with_

_him. We can tell you this from the Lord's own teaching, that any of us_

_who are left alive until the Lord's coming will not have any advantage_

_over those who have died. At the trumpet of God, the voice of the archangel_

_will call out the command and the Lord himself will come down from_

_heaven; those who have died in Christ will be the first to rise, and then_

_those of us who are still alive will be taken up in the clouds, together with_

_them, to meet the Lord in the air. So we shall stay with the Lord forever._

_With such thoughts as these you should comfort one another._

The last reading, the Gospel reading, was from John 6:37-40.

_Jesus said to the crowd:_

'_All that the Father gives me will come to me,_

_and whoever comes to me_

_I shall not turn him away;_

_because I have come from heaven,_

_not to do my own will,_

_but to do the will of the one who sent me._

_Now the will of him who sent me_

_is that I should lose nothing_

_of all that he has given to me,_

_and that I should raise it up on the last day._

_Yes, it is my Father's will_

_that whoever sees the Son and believes_

_in him shall have eternal life,_

_and that I shall raise him up on the last day.'_

Several people then took turns giving eulogies. Charlie was getting teary eyed. I held my hand out to him again and he took it. I was thinking about the nature of death, eternal life, salvation and redemption. I'd have to ask Charlie later if we even had a Bible at the house. Surely he had one tucked away somewhere. I put the program in my purse so I could look up those readings again later. After communion (neither Charlie nor I left our seats) and a final blessing, the pallbearers removed Harry's casket and the rest of us followed them out. I asked Charlie if I could ride with him instead of Jacob. He was surprised, but agreed. Once we reached the reservation cemetery, the burial went quickly. Everyone reconvened at the Clearwater home.

What was I doing here? I didn't know these people, not really. When my mother took me to live with her mother in California, she took me away from _this_ life. Being the only child of only children, I never had aunts, uncles or cousins. My mom didn't even have any close friends. I rarely had children over to play or was invited to anyone's house. In 7th grade, there were a series of slumber parties I was invited to, they were horrible. Once the girls found out I talked in my sleep, that was it. I felt like a freak. I never trusted anyone who asked me over again after that. But even those embarrassing parties, which Renee loved because she could have dates over to the house uninterrupted, were better than this situation. I really wished my truck was here so I could sneak out. I decided to go outside and walk around. A girl not much older than me came out soon after. She looked familiar. She introduced herself as Rachel Black- Jacob's sister. She told me that she hated funerals and wasn't sure why she came, just that Billy had asked and he thought she could help Leah. Apparently, Leah was avoiding her. Rachel agreed to take me home as she herself was leaving to return to Seattle. She wasn't planning to spend another night making Jacob sleep on the couch. I found my dad and told him I'd see him at home. Rachel had already paid her condolences and told Billy and Jake goodbye before she came outside.

Rachel remembered my visits to Forks better than I did. She could even remember a time I fell into a tidal pool and she and her twin, Rebecca, had to fish me out. We spent the drive to my house recounting childhood memories. When we pulled into my driveway she asked, "So, what's with you and my brother?" I didn't know how to respond immediately. "Well, he's my best friend I guess. We've been spending a lot of time together for the past few months, but things are getting weird between us now. I'm graduating soon and, well, I think he wants to be more than friends." Wow, did I really just spill all that to her? "Do _you_ want to be more than friends? If not, don't lead him on. Dad made him stay home to visit with me, but when he wasn't sleeping, he was talking about you, worrying really. It was strange, like he thought you were in danger or something. Like your dad isn't the police chief." She chuckled. "Yeah, I know. I've been pretty depressed. I had a boyfriend who moved away, and I'm not over him. Jake thinks I should be. Jake wants me to be." Rachel looked closely at me. "You're graduating? You know my sister Rebecca followed her boyfriend to Hawaii-they're married now. How far away is this boyfriend of yours? If you really aren't over him, why not try to work it out?" If only it was that easy. "Well, I'm not 100% sure he _wants_ to work it out. One day he was declaring his eternal love for me, then literally _the next day_ he was packing his bags and telling me he didn't want me." My voice hitched and I felt those traitor tears falling. "Hmm. Which do you believe; I mean _really_ believe in your heart? If Jake told you tomorrow he didn't want you around, would you believe him?" No, I wouldn't. Not after what happened when he phased for the first time. He tried to push me away because he was dangerous, but he couldn't keep it up for long. I decided to change the subject, save this to think about some time when I was alone. "So, Rachel, do you know Paul? He's one of Sam Uley's friends." She looked confused. "I remember a Paul from school, but I didn't know him very well." "Oh, I thought maybe you and he had dated or something. I don't know why. He's a bit of a hot head, but Jake's been hanging out with him lately." My brain itch had started up again. Why did I say any of that? I offered Rachel a snack for the road, and she left.

It was getting late so I decided to go upstairs and change into some sweats. When I came back down, Jacob was standing in my living room. I screamed. "Did you forget how to use the doorbell?" I asked. Jake had changed too. He was in his cut offs and nothing else. "Back to patrol duty?" I raised my eyebrow. "Bella, I could use a…hug." Oh. He really did look sad, and I had been without him for almost 48 hours. I could use a hug too. So, I grabbed him around the waist and rested my forehead against his shoulder. We stood like that for awhile. "Jake, I've missed you. But, I've also been doing a lot of thinking these past few days, about my future. This Victoria thing, I just can't stand it for much longer. I can't keep worrying about Charlie, and you. I think, maybe, I need to either leave or let Paul and Sam use me as bait. If I leave, maybe I'll lead her away from here. Maybe I can out run her, go somewhere and not leave a trail." Jake grabbed me harder. "You will NOT be BAIT for her! It's only a matter of time. We'll catch her, I know it." His breathing got heavier. "And, I don't want you to go. I've heard Charlie talking to my dad about college, that you haven't applied anywhere. I guess I assumed, hoped, that you'd stick around another year, maybe go to community college or something. Maybe work and earn more money for school. After that blood sucker is dealt with, I could go with you somewhere. I could protect you." I had to tread carefully, I didn't want to upset him further, but, like Rachel said, I couldn't lead him on either. "I actually picked up some college brochures at school today. I'm going to apply to Peninsula, but I'm also applying to some other colleges and universities and see if I can get on the wait list. It's kind of late to depend on a spot for the fall semester, but I could get some classes out of the way at Peninsula. No matter what though, you need to stay here and finish high school and you need to learn to control your wolf stuff." Jake was quiet, so I glanced up. Big mistake. He was looking at me in _that_ way again. What would happen if I dodged his kiss? What would happen if _I didn't_?

The phone rang. I let go of his waist, but Jake held on. I had to move toward the phone still in his embrace. Of course, I stumbled just before reaching the phone. Jake picked up the receiver. _"Swan residence," _he answered. Jacob suddenly tensed up and let go of me. _"He's not here, he's at the funeral." _Jacob's voice was threatening. "Jake, who is it, _give me the phone_!" I wrested it out of his hand. "Hello? Hello? Who is this?" "_Bella_? Is that _you_, are you OK?" My heart jumped to my throat. _Impossible_. "Yes, _Edward_? I'm, I'm fine." Silence. I looked at the phone. Jacob's finger pressed down the "end call" button. I grabbed it away and immediately pressed *69. It was a private number and I couldn't call back. Jacob trembled with rage. I slapped him across the face. Tears streamed down my face. "How could you _do_ that?" I crumpled to the floor. Charlie came in the front door. "Bells, are you home?" "We're in here, Charlie." Jacob spit out. "What happened to her? What's going on?" My dad demanded. "I think she fainted. That, that… _Edward Cullen_ just called."

I was in my bed. Charlie was pacing back and forth in my room. "Where's Jacob?" I asked. "He left. He was pretty, um, angry. So, what did _Edward_ have to say?" Charlie was barely controlling his anger too. "I don't know, because _Jacob_ hung up the phone on him!" Charlie nodded his head. "Good." I was so pissed. "No, NOT good. I barely got two words out. I don't know what he _wanted_. Dad, you're a cop. Can you trace the call? I tried *69 but it was unlisted." I pleaded. "Bells, I hate that boy, I hate the way he left you without ever calling or writing. He has strung you along for too long; I won't let you get hurt like that again." I got out of bed. "Dad, I don't know what he wanted. Pleeeease trace the call. I need _closure _at least. Don't you want me to at least have that?" I could see him thinking about this. "Bella, I'll see what I can do, but you need to do something for me. I want you to get your butt in gear and start applying to colleges." I smiled at him. "Already on it Dad. I picked up several brochures this morning. I might even be able to start in the fall somewhere, if I get on a waiting list. Mr. Berty and Mr. Banner are writing letters of recommendations for me; I should get them back this week. _Thank you,_ Dad. Maybe he'll call back, but if he doesn't, _please_ find him for me." Then I gave him a much better hug than I gave Jacob earlier. Hopefully he'd be putty in my hands.

Jacob remained scarce. I did see him one evening in wolf form at the edge of the woods behind the house, so he was still on duty. I missed him. I wished I could talk to him about Edward. He was supposed to be my best friend, someone I could talk to about everything. Why did he have to have to make this so complicated? I have never been beautiful, have always been a clumsy, and I come with lots of baggage. After my dreams, I was certain I was not meant to _be _with him. He hadn't imprinted on me, but he might on someone else, maybe even the girl from my dream. I was pretty certain now that the older woman I saw between Jacob and Paul was Rachel or her twin sister. I'd have to ask Jake if Paul had seen Rachel at the funeral, when we were on speaking terms again.

The rest of the week went quickly. I picked up my letters of recommendation and gave each of the teachers Symphony candy bars for their trouble. Ms. Watson, the guidance councilor was able to schedule me in on Thursday afternoon. She gave me several college applications to fill out as well as some information on financial aid and scholarships that were not time sensitive. I made sure Charlie saw me filling out the applications and working on the essays. I even asked him to write the checks to send in with the applications. I had a bank account to deposit my Newton checks into, but hadn't bothered with a checkbook, just a debit card. For his part, Charlie told me he had a friend in the Washington State Patrol ISB looking into the phone call. Edward did not call back. I purchased a cordless phone for the house and tended to carry it around with me and sleeping with it. It could recharge while I was at school. My strange dreams had been replaced by my recurring abandonment dream.

Friday was Prom. I was all decked out in my orange hunting vest, a.k.a. my Newton's uniform. At least business was picking up and I didn't have much time to dwell on my prom memories. Near the end of my shift, Jacob walked in.

"Is there something I can help you with, sir? We have some pet camping supplies, a pack for a dog so he can carry his own food and water." I smirked. He started right in with, "He hasn't called back, has he? Charlie told my dad." I ignored him and finished my closing duties. He walked me to the door as I locked up for the night. "Jake, I'm going home. I want to talk to you about this, but you're not being the kind of friend I need right now." Jake followed me to my truck. His bike was in the truck bed. "What's this? Your bike break down?" I couldn't believe his audacity. "Bella, we're having a tribal gathering tonight. It's kind of to honor Harry, and kind of to tell the newer pack members and their families about our legends. My dad, and some of the other tribal elders, thought it would be a good idea for you to come. We'll have food, if you're hungry. I already checked with Charlie and he said you could come, if you're not still pissed at me." I thought I might regret this. I had been trying to distance myself from getting more involved with Jake and the pack. Also, I had to work in the morning. Despite my reservations (no pun intended), my curiosity was running rampant over my good sense. "OK, I'll come. But I _am_ still pissed off at you."

I let Jake drive, since I didn't know where we were going, exactly. He didn't try to hold my hand or put his arm behind me. That was good. "Charlie said he's trying to get that phone call traced…" I just looked ahead at the road. "Umm hmm." After a moment of silence I glanced his way. He looked sad, like _my Jake_. The pretense was gone. My instinct to take care of him was starting to resurface. "Why Jake, why did you do it? No, scratch that. I know why. But _how_ could you do that to me? _Don't you know me at all_? Don't you know how much that phone call could've helped me? If he wanted me back, he'd _be_ here; he wouldn't have called from a private line. I've worried all week that maybe Alice _saw_ something, something about Victoria or my imminent death or who knows what kind of catastrophe. But when _he_, or Alice, didn't call back I realized maybe I was safe. Now I'll never be able to talk to him, _yell_ at him, whatever I need -to find _closure_." I was crying at this point. I was lying to Jake, just as I had lied to Charlie. I did _not _want closure. I wanted to hear his real voice again, a thousand times better than my hallucinations. In just those brief moments I realized that I had to see him again, _would_ see him again. Jake pulled the truck over and parked. He turned me towards him, a hand on each of my shoulders. "Look at me Bella." I straightened my shoulders and looked him in the eye. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. It's like, he's a bullet headed straight for your heart and I had to block it. He's no good for you. And anyway, he asked for _Charlie_, not you. He didn't even ask to talk to you. You need to give it up. Give _him_ up. That's kind of why I'm here, why Billy wants you to come tonight." I didn't understand his logic. It _hurt_ to think that what he said, about Edward asking for Charlie, was true. Not relevant to the state of _my heart_, but true. "OK, let's get this thing over with." I put my feet up on the dash and crossed my arms. Jake resumed driving.

It was amazing, miraculous even. The entire pack was there. Kim and Emily were there. All the old ones, the gray haired elders were there. Sue, Leah and Seth were there too. Strangely, I didn't feel as out of place that evening as I had after the funeral. There was something solemn, yet fraternal about this gathering. Several fires were going and people were roasting hot dogs. The group was loosely organized in a circle. Emily handed me a hot dog. Embry passed me some ketchup and mustard. "That's all we have left, sorry." I just used the mustard. After things had settled, Billy began to speak. As he spoke, he transformed from the handicapped friend of my dad into a tribal chief. He was a natural leader with a majestic voice. In my mind his wheel chair melted away and I could envision him in buckskin clothing. I felt transported in time. Billy spoke of Kaheleha and spirit warriors who could leave their bodies behind and scare away their enemies. Like ghosts. Then of a peaceful time when treaties were made with other local tribes. He spoke of the last Great Spirit Chief, Taha Aki and his betrayal by the ambitious Utlapa. Utlapa stole Taha Aki's body and killed his own, then prohibited the other men from taking spirit form and discovering his treachery. I briefly thought of this as the first case of identity theft. Taha Aki wandered alone in spirit form, unable to influence or communicate with his tribe or family. Eventually his loneliness drove him to seek shelter in the body of a wolf. Yut, another spirit warrior, became convinced that the wolf was no ordinary wolf and that its spirit was trying to communicate. Yut broke the ban on taking spirit form, had some of his friends guard his body, and quickly learned the truth about Utlapa's deceit. Though Yut was able to rejoin his human body, Utlapa was killed him before he could say anything. Taha Aki watched Yut's spirit depart to the place his spirit was forbidden entry. Then the miracle. Taha Aki's anger and hate for Utlapa were so great, and his love for his people so strong, that he transformed physically from a wolf into a man. Though he didn't resemble his old human body, his new body was a reflection of his spirit self and the other spirit warriors recognized him. Utlapa's reign ended. He was destroyed before his spirit could escape his body. Taha Aki discovered he wasn't aging. His children born after his return could make the wolf transformation too. Their wolf selves reflected the spirit of the men inside. Some men refused to make the transformation and it was discovered that they could grow old. Eventually Taha Aki decided to stop transforming and grow old with his third wife. I guessed he had had to watch the first two wives grow old and die, and loved his third wife enough that he wanted to age naturally for her. Then Old Quil started speaking. He told of the first vampire, or "cold one" who terrorized the tribe. The wolves discovered they could kill the vampire. But then a vengeful mate came back and nearly destroyed the entire tribe. Taha Aki made the transformation one more time and fought along with his sons. Taha Aki was the last wolf left and the vampire nearly finished him off when the third wife distracted her. She stabbed herself in the heart with a knife. Bloodlust made the vampire turn to the dying woman. It was just enough of a distraction for Taha Aki to get his teeth around the vampire's throat. Seeing what was happening, watching their mother die, the young sons of the third wife transformed into wolves and together with their father, finished off the vampire. Apparently, Taha Aki stayed in wolf form and disappeared forever. Once in a while a vampire would come into their lands and some men-usually no more than three, would make the transformation and destroy it. They were never caught unprepared again. Then I was caught off guard. Old Quil told about the Cullens, how they came into their territory but were different and could tell the werewolves apart from regular wolves. They didn't know it but I guessed Edward was able to read their minds and translate for Carlisle. The Cullens didn't kill humans. The treaty was made.

I closed my eyes, trying to take everything in. Jake must've thought I was getting sleepy- he put his arm around me and tried to pull my head to his shoulder. I stiffened and pulled away. I was just beginning to grasp all the ramifications of what Billy had said. First of all, people do have spirits, souls. Some people can, could, even leave their bodies behind, without the soul inside. The other boys were starting to joke around and tease each other about what their wolf bodies meant about their spirits. "Um, Billy?" I asked. "Can I ask you some questions?" He nodded. "Do you think the spirit warriors could see the souls of other people, I mean when they were in spirit form? Like, Taha Aki saw Yut's spirit leave, could he see his wife's spirit leave, do you think?" He pondered for a moment. "Our stories don't tell us that, maybe it is just the spirits that are connected that can see each other?" I looked around at the boys of the pack. They were all so young and innocent, even Sam. I thought of them fighting Victoria and of her possibly killing one of them. They might see the spirit of the slain wolf leave. I was in awe. "Ah, Billy, what if, I know this is kind of crazy, but, what if one of the spirit warriors was off wandering and a vampire bit his body? Do you think his body would make the transformation? Would it become a sentient vampire? Or would his spirit have to enter back into the body to animate it? Would the bitten body transform, but just lie there cold on the ground forever like a rock, if the spirit warrior didn't rejoin the body? I guess what I'm trying to figure out is, do vampires have souls?" I realized that everyone had become quiet. All eyes were on me, and then turned to Billy.


End file.
